Not Now, Wait Until Dark, ..Or Spring FTLComm - Tisdale December 10, 1999 By: Timothy W. Shire Christmas decorations are designed to be seen lit up in the dark, just as trees are most attractive when they are covered with leaves. In some ways its like that face that looks back at you, bleary eyed in the morning with your unshaven face and tosselled hair, this is not how you want others to see you, its not how you want to see you, but like the pitiful naked trees and the Christmas light in daylight, it is how you are and how they are. As a photographer one is constantly reminded of the self conscious and driving need for most people to show incredible reserve when they are about to get their picture taken. The most unsettling experiences come from those who would seem to be the most presentable of people. Someone who's features and appearance might be described as "plain" will smile and be recorded in an image without any fuss, while someone whom most would descibe as "pretty" will go through the darnest behaviours. "Oh, I just hate having my picture taken." Or they will shield their face with their hands, and if you are really lucky they will say "Just a minute let me...." as they dash off to a mirror to restore themselves to what they think is something approaching their standard appearance. It seems that people with desirable features are the least accepting of their appearance. It is such a pleasure to meet people who are truly comfortable with themselves. Those rare individuals who have achieved a harmony with what they see as themselves and acceptance of what minor shortcomings they have learned to put in perspective. These are the kind of people who can be models, performers and happy people, because they have achieved a level of self awareness and acceptance that let's them be themselves. Though I have been talking about appearance here it is not a stretch what ever to expand this concept beyond appearance to how people regard themselves. It is rare to find in young people the self assurance of self acceptance, as one grows older there is a great inclination to unify oneself into a single being, a simple entity that knows who and what it is, and can stand one's own presence. Some where as childhood fades and adolescence takes over, people seem to develop chronic depreciating self awareness and we who are older may be responsible for making a bad situation worse. Though sexuality may play a role in all this, it is only part of the whole scene, as layer upon layer of self deception arises. Teenage boys hide under the peek of their caps, girls disappear under hair, make-up and no eye contact, for a good deal of their developing lives there is little but shadowy existences. Those who carry the burden of abuse have to create artificial personas while deeply scared people may retract into a series of conflicting altered egos each designed to mask and hide the person from themselves. Reality awareness is confounded by confusion over self awareness and as near as I can tell, more then half of all people never really emerge from their confusion. Like clothing that covers the body, so it seems there are mental mantles that shroud the self conscious. If you would like to help in the clean up, just open up your heart, without reservation, with out conditions and your acceptance of others will increase your acceptance of yourself, as well as help others to see themselves clearly, even when the leaves are gone, even when their lights are washed in bright sunlight.