Alternate Universe News - Farm Crisis

August 7, 1999, By: Carey Heilman

  There is a farm crisis in the alternate universe this year. Some would say that it is going on for a lot longer than a year. Being totally impartial I would have to agree with the farmers.

It is amazing how our fearless leader Roy the Razor Romanow, and his minion Eric the Fed Upshall have been passing the buck.

"It IS the Federal Governments responsibility", they (Roy and Eric) sang their convenient, melodic and repetitive song.

One thing is certain the radio talk shows, the media, and the average folk out there all disagree on what should be done.

In order to draw attention to their plight the farmers have been blocking the roads in the Alternate Universe. Farmers want to point out that they are angry that they are not getting enough support from our fearless leaders.

In an interview with the tag team Roy the Razor and Eric the Fed they had this to say.

Eric: It is not our fault so why should we have to do anything about it? I didn'tét make it rain! It is totally out of our hands! Why should we have to do anything? God this is stupid, who do these people think I am? An MLA or Ag Minister? JEEZ!!

Roy: What time is it? I have to talk to Jean before I say anything? I also have to talk to IPSCO, and some other large corporations before I can comment!! As far as I am concerned I am rich and I have lots of fame and power, so I am Okay!! I knew a farmer once, he smelled funny!! They have big
trucks and stuff, maybe if they charged rides like at the exhibition they could make more money. Why just the other day there were a whole bunch of those vehicles on the road just driving in circles, they could have made lots of money, charged admission!!!!

Where did Eric go? Eric! Eric! Oh he is in hiding again, man is that guy good at running away, hey?

Oh well he still is not as slippery as me"bye".

I asked a farmer what he thought?

Bill the Farmer had this to say. "We farmers hate city folk! When one of our kids moves to the city we disown them. That is why we are blocking highways and streets" "..we have declared war on the city folk, and their government!!! Down with city folk!!!!"

Another farmer said, "Don't listen to Bill, he has gone mad from losing everything he owned, his family, and a farm that has been in his family for over 80 years. He is just a little upset."

Bill was spotted later in a canola field crying!!!! It wasn't his field anymore!!

Harry Kyleman