Alternate Universe News

June 1, 1999 by: Carey Heilman

IMAGE byElection01.jpg
Well, they are back at it again!
Who you ask?
Why, the Alternate Universe politicians of course.
Soon there will be three by-elections, one in the King City one in the Southwest Hills and another in the Bub
All political factions are lining up their candidates and getting ready for the race.
The race is merely a 120-foot dash to the finish line. The race will be followed by a beer-drinking contest, and
then a who can tell the best story contest. The winner will get to sit in the marble palace for a couple of months,
until the next race.
Once there, the winner will get to do what almost all politicians do..........nothing!!
Here in the Alternate Universe we are proud of this system, where our leader is nasty rude and really good at
bafflegab. Have you heard a press conference?
Here are some quotes:
"I don't want to seem mean, BUT QUIT ASKING ME THAT QUESTION"!
"I can't promise anything nor can I make any commitments on anything, SO LEAVE ME ALONE"!
"I challenge the leaders of the opposition parties to do something stupid and not run in their ridings but run in
these other ridings hehehehe, then that way I can call them cowards, if the don't hehehehehehe! That would be
nice for a change, hehehehehehhe me calling someone else a coward!!!!!!....Was I talking out loud just now"?
"Don't compare me to the ideal, compare me to the other guys". "Yeah that's it, that way you fools won't expect
me to do what you want, or expect me to have ideals or goals for humanity hehehehehehehhe..........did I say
that out loud again"?
Harry Kyleman