Alternate Universe News

June 5, 1999 By: Carey Heilman

Hospital Closings

Today all hospitals in the Alternate Universe will be closing!! The news is no shock to the citizens of the Alternate Universe. Our government, it's Department Heads, Appointees (slang for Parasites), and the managers all agree that it must be done.

"We are overloaded" our source said, "There is just no place for these people to go!"

"We have to shut it all down, we cannot handle it anymore, we have sent all the staff on holidays, and
moved the beds out of the hospitals as punishment directed to those doctors who kept wanting to put those sick people in them"!!!! "Where are all us managers and appointees supposed to sleep? Jeez!"
"We also believe that if we shut it all down, a whole bunch of sick people will die, and lighten the
load we will have to deal with once the cries from those whiners force us to open again!"
"Oh sure we have been saying for years now that we were not going to close anymore beds, but
we keep doing it any way. See, it works like this, we just make new and interesting excuses, and come up with new ways to say it, but, yes, the bottom line is we intended to keep closing beds, until a day like today when we just plane close the whole damn place."
"Look we shut down how many hospitals and programs when we came to power? You knew
that this day had to come?"

"What does the future hold?"

"A big savings on the cost of health care that is for sure!!!!!!!"

"Remember if you are sick take a couple of Aspirin and call someone who cares!"

Harry Kyleman