Alternate Universe News


June 30, 1999 By: Carey Heilman


Former Subway employee of the month and now our fearless leader, Roy the Razor Romanow has come up with a new plan to solve all our healthcare problems and reduce waiting list times. This new way of running healthcare will save the universe many bazillions of dollars, which can be used to pay for more political hacks, parasites and managers.

You have all heard of "Workfare"? Now there is "Healthfare".

What is "Healthfare"?

Simply put it is the barter of work for healthcare!

How does it work?

Simply.. if you need healthcare and do not want to wait the years it presently takes to get such procedures as hip replacements, back surgeries and cancer treatment, all you have to do is work for it. There will be a list of jobs available at all healthcare facilities. These jobs will have points assigned to them; these points can be cashed in to reduce your waiting time.

The only draw back is you cannot work for someone else..this could create problems. Only those who are in need will be accepted for "Healthfare". If you are too ill to take part it is better off that you wait. Those who receive benefits from WCB or SGI are welcomed to work for their healthcare if they can.

This system will be based on what our fearless leader thinks each of these duties is worth. If you provide twelve hours of nursing services you will have your procedure sped up by one day is one example.

You will be able to assist in medical procedures such as spinal operations and brain surgery, giving you one day less in your wait for healthcare or procedure.

If you are willing to perform surgical procedures and do not screw them up you will get a two day reduction in your waiting time.

Think of the fun you can have assisting or operating on your neighbours, or your family. You will get to know strangers as well!!

Simply put the more you put in the faster you get your healthcare.

One critic of the new system believes that we are already working for our healthcare and paying for it in high taxes..of course the government disagrees.

Yet now there is an option.Hooray for "Healthfare"!!!!!!

For more information call Pat at the Marble Palace in the King city.

Harry Kyelman